Many people seek help for relationship and marital challenges and there are many reasons couples find themselves constantly disagreeing and in conflict. Therapy can be particularly helpful to a couple since it focuses on the ‘relationship’ dynamics as well as the individual differences and perceptions of what is going on and what each person wants their life and relationship to be about.
Couples seeking counselling help ask typical questions wondering what happens in a couples sessions. Therapy or Counselling involves regular sessions in which a skilled psychologist or counsellor sets a framework within which each person can share with their partner how they see the relationship. The psychologist or counsellor facilitates them communicating clearly and provides them with skills to communicate their perspective more clearly as well as ask questions of each other to clarify understanding.
Each relationship is different and over time as each person grows, misunderstandings can develop and new ways must be found to accommodate individual changes into the relationship. Therapy and counselling provide the environment in which this can be done effectively.
Toxic relationships are characterized by bitterness, resentment, compromise, conflict and ultimately do not serve any of the people in them. They occur in friendships, intimate relationships, families and in the workplace. They are toxic because they result in people feeling sick, abused, diminished and generally powerless. Toxic relationships continue to exist often because the behaviour of the individual or individuals, which is abusive, is regularly accompanied by periods of regret, apology, good times and romantic courting.
When people take time to identify the patterns of these relationships, they learn that unless some fundamental changes are made in the ‘system’ between the participants, the cycle will always continue. Identifying the stages of your particular pattern is essential if you are to change the pattern, address the issue of a particular toxic relationship and ultimately choose whether to leave and create more harmonious relationships. You must know that leaving a toxic relationship without leaving a toxic pattern only provides temporary respite; unhealthy patterns always continue until the pattern is released and changed. That is why similar relationships continue even though the particular person is no longer in your life.
Mid life crisis is the term given to the thoughts, feelings and behaviours that appear to develop somewhere between the mid forties to mid fifties. It occurs in both men and women but is often talked about more in men. Despite the simplistic phrases given to this period of life like ‘Oh, it’s just a midlife crisis!’, the sufferer may find their predicament highly alarming, confusing and lonely. Without the opportunity to be taken seriously or have a sympathetic person help make sense of their life and choices at this time, it can lead to depression.
A mid life crisis that is trivialised or criticised, does little to help the sufferer. I encourage people facing this situation, to dare to address the questions and choices they have been unwilling to. A midlife crisis can be an opportunity to ensure the rest of your life can be the best of your life – for you and the people around you.
Relationships | Clare | 
May 26, 2010 12:06 pm | 
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