Therapy for Relationship Problems

Many people seek help for relationship and marital challenges and there are many reasons couples find themselves constantly disagreeing and in conflict.  Therapy can be particularly helpful to a couple since it focuses on the ‘relationship’ dynamics as well as the individual differences and perceptions of what is going on and what each person wants their life and relationship to be about.

Couples seeking counselling help ask typical questions wondering what happens in a couples sessions.  Therapy or Counselling involves regular sessions in which a skilled psychologist or counsellor sets a framework within which each person can share with their partner how they see the relationship.  The psychologist or counsellor facilitates them communicating clearly and provides them with skills to communicate their perspective more clearly as well as ask questions of each other to clarify understanding.
Each relationship is different and over time as each person grows, misunderstandings can develop and new ways must be found to accommodate individual changes into the relationship. Therapy and counselling provide the environment in which this can be done effectively.

Toxic relationships and how to change them

Toxic relationships are characterized by bitterness, resentment, compromise, conflict and ultimately do not serve any of the people in them. They occur in friendships, intimate relationships, families and in the workplace. They are toxic because they result in people feeling sick, abused, diminished and generally powerless. Toxic relationships continue to exist often because the behaviour of the individual or individuals, which is abusive, is regularly accompanied by periods of regret, apology, good times and romantic courting. When people take time to identify the patterns of these relationships, they learn that unless some fundamental changes are made in the ‘system’ between the participants, the cycle will always continue. Identifying the stages of your particular pattern is essential if you are to change the pattern, address the issue of a particular toxic relationship and ultimately choose whether to leave and create more harmonious relationships. You must know that leaving a toxic relationship without leaving a toxic pattern only provides temporary respite; unhealthy patterns always continue until the pattern is released and changed. That is why similar relationships continue even though the particular person is no longer in your life.

Divorce and women in their twenties

Divorce when one is young seems to be influenced by factors that are not so influential in older groups.  Women in their twenties divorcing are often criticised for being unable to commit, having too much choice or simply being unable to share with another person.  It is my expereince that a major factor influencing young people contemplating divorce relates to beliefs they have about life possibilities they deemed were not available in earlier times.

When I ask a client facing divorce in their younger years for their reasons, a similar story emerges.  They simply do not want to do what they believed or witnessed their mothers and grandmothers doing – namely, conforming to social and cultural expectations of how women should be in marriage and society.  They report that their role models often ‘put up with‘ a less-than-desirable life because they believed they should.  As to whether this was the case for their own mothers and grandmothers, is not important – their beliefs in what happened is formed from many sources.  Younger women are simply not prepared to do this and will make the necessary changes to protect themselves from the pain of future regret.