Leading a Double Life?

Many of my clients tell me that they feel they are ‘leading a double life‘.  They go to work everyday and whilst they say they enjoy it, they feel agitated and questioning of how little time they have to reflect on what their life is about or get involved in things they once were passionate about – because their time is literally spent in ’surviving’.    Their double life emerges within them in the form of unspoken values, dreams or perspectives, of a life that doesn’t leave them feeling like a robot on a conveyor belt of consumerism and pressures to conform to the demands of modern living.  Anxiety arises as they try to reconcile their responsibilities within the implications of them acting on their desires.

However this shows up in their life, the reality is that the person feels split between the demands of societal or family pressures to be a certain way and internal desires to live authentically in accordance with one’s dreams which for whatever reason, can’t be discussed with people in their life.   If you find yourself in a situation where you feel you are not living in accordance with what is most important to you, it is essential to address what is happening and the implications of making some changes.  To avoid this and not stop living a double life only leads to increased anxiety, destructive behaviour or depression.

Social Anxiety – What it is and what to do

Social anxiety is a crippling panic and discomfort which results when the sufferer finds themself in social situations.  The person may be able to function outside of the home but when faced with social situations – in which the people are or are not known to them, they become immobilised and unable to speak, control their emotions and have associated unpleasant physical reactions like shaking or sweating.

Social anxiety occurs for many reasons and the unpleasant experience of panic in public acts to reinforce the fear so the anxiety gets worse and the person dreads being in social situations.  The causes are many – some related directly to unpleasant experiences or expectations or other anxiety related causes which render the person without confidence in any situations they perceive as complex or potentially difficult.

Counselling is a safe and confidential opportunity to ‘nip the problem in the bud’ before it debilitates the sufferer further.

When You Can’t Say No

Many of my clients want to make changes to their lives and logically see all the reasons why they should change their jobs, relationships and social interactions.  However, the nearer they come to making the changes,  the greater the anxiety associated with it.  Panic or paralysis results.

There are many reasons for this inability to change – the fear of disappointing others, fear of success, fear of failure or the enormity of the responsibility that comes from leading your own life.  However, beliefs always underpin your presenting fears to change and must be uncovered if you are to really face what fuels your inaction.  Many of these are unconscious and require more than mere self-reflection and questioning.