Christmas offers the opportunity for time with those we love. It is also a time when disappointments, arguments and unfulfilled expectations see people blaming each other for ’spoiling their Christmas’. I want to tell you something very important which, if you truly get it, will transform everything you do.
YOU ARE 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR EXPERIENCES
People around you may do things which are unkind, unfair or unreasonable. Your current circumstances may be difficult. However, these things can’t affect you without your permission. Think about this carefully. You are in control of your responses and the extent to which you ‘buy in’ to others’ behaviour and comments.
A way to check and see if you are not taking responsibility for yourself is ask ‘Am I blaming someone or something for what is happening here?‘ If you say ‘yes’ then you are relinquishing responsibility for your reactions to other people or other things. You will always be trapped if you do this.
The good news is that although we can’t change others, we can change ourselves and when we do, the dynamic in our interactions changes. Then things do change. So this Christmas, don’t ask others to change – change yourself – and choose how you want to react to what is going on around you. This will be the source of your freedom to choose how you want to live your life.
Christmas celebrations are often followed by a sense of depression or loss. There is so much anticipation about Christmas and family life, that following the ‘get togethers’, a depression or sadness can occur.
If you are feeling blue this Christmas or disappointed with the outcome of your plans, take some time out to think about what is really going on. Do not be quick to distract yourself with typical explanations of ‘This is bound to happen – it will pass’. Examine closely what you are thinking and feeling – maybe you are asking for things to be different? Maybe you are not happy that celebrations are only centred around Christmas when you would prefer them to be a more central part of your family life? Maybe you are questioning how you are living your life which currently offers little time for fun, reflection and time with people you care about?
This Christmas, decide whether you want to ‘consume’ more of what the media, society and normality feed you? Choose life on your terms and if you are not having the life you want, there is always a way to change it – start small steps today by asking yourself what is really important to me and what do I want to communicate to others who are important to me?
Christmas is a time when many people become overwhelmed and are challenged by the demands they put on themselves as much as that received by others. Without due attention to your health – psychological as well as physical -the result can be anxiety, panic attacks and later depression.
Take responsibility for yourself this Christmas – our psychological health is affected by overindulgence in food and alcohol – coupled with expectation and disappointments in family interactions, it is the recipe for psychological disequilibrium.
Take time to reflect on your life and the quality of your relationships this Christmas – what do you want your life to be about and how can you take responsibility for bringing this about? – don’t be a victim and blame the world for what you don’t have – ask yourself ‘What can I do to bring about the life I want to lead’. Then after the celebrations, Christmas will have been a time for enhancing your and other people’s lives.
Relationships | Clare | 
December 27, 2009 5:11 pm | 
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