Relationship Troubles – Where do you start?

Relationship troubles often leave a couple floundering for ways to work through the inevitable mis-communication that results once troubles begin. Sometimes it is obvious to both partners what the problems are – an event may have happened which becomes the reason for the tension; other times a pattern has developed which triggers responses in either or both partners, resulting in conflict.

When communication is at an all time low, where do you start? Firstly, become clear in your own mind what your feelings and thoughts are about the situation. What has happened that has caused you or your partner to react negatively? Examine what you think your part is in causing or exacerbating the issue. Approach your partner with a request to find way to tackle the problem – at this stage, avoid blaming or getting into the problem. Agreement about how you will tackle the issue is helpful in ‘taking the heat’ out of a potential impasse. Blaming or criticism always results in defensiveness; getting agreement about wanting to resolve the problem, together with ways to approach it, are constructive and reinforce the commitment both of you need to have to examine the inevitable challenges before you.

Marriage counselling in a time of stress

Marriage difficulties often arise during periods of stress when the couple really learn more about the differences they have.  Events like Christmas are potentially fraught with expectations of each person, largely influenced by social and cultural pressure.  Such outside influences impact on a couple who, if they don’t take time to explore their beliefs, values and underlying assumptions of what is really important to them, will find themselves in disappointment and conflict.

The increase in demand for marriage and individual counselling during the festive season is evidence enough of the stress that can be created at this time.  Identify your expectations to see how realistic they are and put time aside to communicate more clearly with your partner during times of stress.

Relationship Difficulties – How Couples Counselling can Help

Relationship difficulties often result when communication is poor or when different styles of communication exist.  The demands of daily life or changes e.g. a new baby, can greatly reduce the time a couple has for communicating their needs and changing expectations.  The result is miscommunication, anxiety and resentment.

Personality differences might also contribute where e.g. extroverts externally process their thoughts and ideas whereas introverts process them internally.  In hearing the extroverted partner, the introvert becomes confused by their seeming lack of focus, beliefs or intentions.

If you are experiencing relationship difficulties, you can learn better ways to communicate, which will enrich your relationship whilst valuing your respective differences.