Losing a Loved One – Handling the Grief

Losing a loved one can be one of the most painful experiences that human beings face, especially if your connection with the person who has died was particularly close, significant or leaves you without a support network within which to seek support.  Different challenges exist if the relationship with the person who has died, was problematic or even abusive.  Either way, grief  will arise at some stage, either for the loss of the person themself or at the lack of relationship you desired.

Grief has no timetable – it can appear almost immediately after a death or months or even years later.  Some people are so numbed by loss that they seem to feel nothing.  However, in my experience as a psychologist and counsellor,  grief will appear at some stage.

Grief does appear to have stages – although we do not seem to work through them in linear ways.   Instead we dive in and out of earlier stages before we come through the other end.  Those stages broadly are Disbelief, Anger, Depression and Recovery.

Grief Counselling can help you work through the complex feelings and reactions to loss and avoid grief becoming compounded by the process being avoided.  Death is a part of life and the more we can learn to integrate this important experience in our lives, the more we can ensure we live in ways that are fulfilling and purposeful.

Coping with Grief

Coping with grief and the loss of a loved one can be an excruciating experience.  However much a person feels prepared for someone close to them to die (particularly the case if there has been a long illness), the disbelief, shock, anger and debilitating sadness is inevitable.

It is my experience working with clients over the years that ‘Grief has no Timetable’. Although there are stages through which people go, when this happens is not predictable.  Some people are so numbed by the loss that they withdraw from feeling anything, only to find years later that they are overwhelmed with it.  This often happens with subsequent loss – it is as if a new loss triggers unresolved feelings about previous losses.

Grief counselling can help you cope with the loss and deal with the complicated feelings towards the person.  Sometimes the relationship with the person who has died was complicated and even abusive or unhappy.  Whatever the relationship, dealing with your grief so you can make sense of your relationship with them will help you move forward in a renewed way.

Michael Jackson – The grief of sudden death

What is your reaction to the death of Michael Jackson? Are you intrigued by the media response or as a fan or admirer, in some way affected? Retail sales have increased and collectors cashing in selling memorabilia. Anyone owning LP copies of early recordings see their value rocket as people hunger for something of the pop icon.

Whilst a frenzy of activity emerges amongst loyal fans, closet fans emerge – many surprising themselves – whilst others observe with some incredulity.

What is this all about? What desire, emotional attachment, accompanying feelings or grief is associated with the death of this public figure? It seems that the death of an Elvis-type figure invites individual and collective expressions of grief. This is particularly the case when the death is sudden. We are reminded of how fragile our existence is and how alone we are. When death is sudden, we have ‘No Time for Goodbyes’.

Whilst Michael Jackson is considered public property, anyone in their 40s or 50s has associations of an earlier era. At the same time they started out in the world with the whole of their lives stretching out before them. His achievements outweigh what many have mastered and this awareness might spark regret, shame or grief. Camaraderie develops between people share their memories of the Jackson Five in the 1960s/70s.. However, we are alone in our memories of Jackson who was part of our youth, who had a life and who has died. A reminder that we too, one day, will die – we do not know when nor do we have control over it.

For later followers, he held another promise. The dawn of celebrity worship with normal people jettisoned into stardom, is now possible, in theory, for anyone. When they do, often their lives are tortured and lonely. Michael Jackson globally captivated the world with his music, performance agility and message that ‘Anything is Possible’. However, when cut short, we are reminded of our aloneness, the fragility and uncertainty of our existence and reminder to live well – since we know not when it will end. We just know that it will.