Mid life crisis – A male phenomenon?

Midlife crisis is the term given to typical feelings, thoughts and ‘out of character’ behaviour associated with men entering a particular life stage.  It generally occurs between 45 and 55 and how it is generalised ignores the very personal experience of someone asking them self ‘What am I doing with my life? How has it passed by so quickly?’  Typically, men  are criticised as being ones who suffer from mid life crisis and the criticism or ridicule negates the phenomena being examined openly by sufferers and their families.  Typical behaviours associated with mid life crisis are:  increased interest in appearance and younger women despite marital status; becoming adventurous in new and typically macho activities e.g. adventure sports or fast driving;  extravagant spending on new cars, gadgets or clothing to increase interest by the opposite sex and increased risk taking in all aspects of life.

What is mid life crisis and is a male phenomenon?  Over the years, many of my clients report entering the mid life crisis.  For some, they feel relieved as if their behaviour can be explained as being normal and temporary;  for others, they feel trivialised, believing that others are not taking their painful and real reflections of life seriously .  My experience has revealed overall that men report feeling the mid life crisis more than women.  I believe this is for two reasons.  The first is that literature mainly refers to men as sufferers and thus it becomes associated with men.  Secondly, women seek out closer and sustained relationships with other women where they discuss their emotions regularly.  This means that their questions about the quality of their lives and what they want are not bottled up – instead they address them regularly and so do not become overwhelmed with them suddenly.

Feeling Overwhelmed?

Is coping with overwhelm a solution?

Solutions aimed at ‘coping with overwhelm‘ and ‘feelings of overwhelm’ imply that overwhelm is a normal aspect of daily living.  Instead, what if overwhelm was an important barometer of something not working in your life?  It could be a life-saving signal inviting you to live differently.  Let’s face it, everyone is busy – yet some people feel overwhelmed and others don’t?  How come?

Overwhelm is really a result of not ‘being present’ in the moment.  Constantly thinking about what you must achieve, in certain timescales this means you lose awareness of what is happening now. It hoodwinks you into believing that ‘once you clear your desk’ you will have space to think.  This never happens does it? The desk fills with new things.   You have to keep your eye on the overall vision of what you want and then evaluate everything in terms of  that overall goal?

I encourage my clients to consider overwhelm differently.  First, they must be able to relax, when they need to.  Therefore:

• find a quiet place, sit down with your back supported and close your eyes.
• slow down your breathing.
• breath in through your noste to the count of 5 and out through your
  mouth to the count of 5
• after  a minute or two, you will feel calmer.
• reflect on how you feel doing this?

It may take a bit of practice but it will help you become ‘more present’.  Now the important questions underlying the overwhelm:

• What is important to you?
• What do you really want to do with your life?
• For what purpose?
• What will it be like when you ‘have’ what you desire?
• How would you know you had it?