Relationship problems and the challenge of miscommunication

Relationships can be challenging. You feel one minute, things are going well and then suddenly you wonder who you are living with? Conflict and misunderstandings occur and you can feel resentful and exhausted, wondering why things aren’t just easy?

A major problem can be that we often make huge assumptions about other people, what they think, feel, intend and what their values are. Or sometimes we do not see the person infront of us, instead a projection of our own stereotypical desires of what the perfect partner or relationship should be. Clear and honest communication in relationships begins within – being clear about what you think, feel and behave like and communicating it effectively, is essential if we are to understand where someone else is coming from and the dynamics between people.

Toxic Relationships – A factor in depression

Toxic relationships are those characterised by bitterness, criticism, negativity and patterns of emotional and often physical violence.  They make either or both partners negative and often exhausted by the dance of 'good and bad times' that result.  Things go well for a while and then they rapidly swing with either or each person wondering why they are in this negative cycle again.  Often one person feels they are the one abused whilst the abuser feels frustrated and angry at the other person.  It is important to identify the pattern that typically happens in a toxic relationship if you are to see how breaking the cycle is going to be possible.  You might need a skilled psychologist or counsellor to help you identify this  – alternatively, you can take a piece of paper and work out the typical things that one person says or does, what your feelings are, what your or their response is and so on until the cycle is complete.  A toxic relationship never gets better on its own – it requires identifying what the problem is, deciding what you want to change and learning to understand why you have stayed for so long.  Leaving is often difficult if change does not seem likely – the alternative is to live a life of bitterness, resentment and eventual regret – regret at a life not fully lived and enjoyed.

Toxic Relationships – Doomed or Redeemable?

Toxic relationships are those where there is animosity, anger, bitterness and resentments.  They occur for many reasons but they are always damaging to the partners involved.  These relationships continue for many reasons; the partners are addicted to a yo-yo pattern of bitterness and resentments accompanied by periods of romantic make-ups.  Others exist because one or both partners have such low self esteem that they secretly morbidly fear being alone.

Guilt, blame and anger only escalate where problems are not resolved and healthy boundaries and rules re-established.  If you recognise your relationship as being toxic,  it is wise to find out why you are staying in a relationship that is so negative.   Without proper resolution, the partners always go on to become more anxious, resentful and suffer physical as well as psychological ill-health.