Toxic relationships and how to change them

Toxic relationships are characterized by bitterness, resentment, compromise, conflict and ultimately do not serve any of the people in them. They occur in friendships, intimate relationships, families and in the workplace. They are toxic because they result in people feeling sick, abused, diminished and generally powerless. Toxic relationships continue to exist often because the behaviour of the individual or individuals, which is abusive, is regularly accompanied by periods of regret, apology, good times and romantic courting. When people take time to identify the patterns of these relationships, they learn that unless some fundamental changes are made in the ‘system’ between the participants, the cycle will always continue. Identifying the stages of your particular pattern is essential if you are to change the pattern, address the issue of a particular toxic relationship and ultimately choose whether to leave and create more harmonious relationships. You must know that leaving a toxic relationship without leaving a toxic pattern only provides temporary respite; unhealthy patterns always continue until the pattern is released and changed. That is why similar relationships continue even though the particular person is no longer in your life.

Toxic Relationships – Doomed or Redeemable?

Toxic relationships are those where there is animosity, anger, bitterness and resentments.  They occur for many reasons but they are always damaging to the partners involved.  These relationships continue for many reasons; the partners are addicted to a yo-yo pattern of bitterness and resentments accompanied by periods of romantic make-ups.  Others exist because one or both partners have such low self esteem that they secretly morbidly fear being alone.

Guilt, blame and anger only escalate where problems are not resolved and healthy boundaries and rules re-established.  If you recognise your relationship as being toxic,  it is wise to find out why you are staying in a relationship that is so negative.   Without proper resolution, the partners always go on to become more anxious, resentful and suffer physical as well as psychological ill-health.

Toxic Relationships – How To Recognise Them

Relationships that exist within  cycle of negativity, blame, criticism and possession of one or both partners become toxic relationships.  The negativity grows as one or both partners experience a self-loathing and diminishing self-esteem as they repeatedly try to break the cycle and yet fail.  Self-blame results as they become angry with themselves for allowing such treatment and yet being in the relationship is almost like an addiction.

Understanding the unconscious as well as the conscious beliefs and triggers that keep you in such relationships is essential if you are going to break the cycle.  It is not sufficient to logically try to sort this out since it is the emotional connections that need to be understood and this is where counselling is invaluable in throwing light on what is really going on.